I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
