She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
