O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
