u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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