I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
