Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
