I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
