Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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