i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She bit a glass in half.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
