FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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