I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize