I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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