i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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