Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
