So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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