I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
