i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize