I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
