I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
