Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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