Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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