It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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