anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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