life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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