i think my tv is drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
