Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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