i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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