The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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