I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
