I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
