why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
