dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
