ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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