i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
