Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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