my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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