Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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