i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize