Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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