did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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