why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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