I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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