So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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