New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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