I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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