It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize