Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
