At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
