She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
