ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
