i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
