i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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