I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
