Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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