remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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