I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
