I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
