your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
