wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
