How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
