haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
