hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
