Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
