she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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