Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
