matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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