So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
