She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
