i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
