Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
