shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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