Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
