wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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