I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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